The saying goes that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. This is a tribute to a special person who came into my life for a reason and hopefully stays for a lifetime!
The typical course for an individual chartered by society is to study, earn well and "settle down" - get married, have kids, raise kids and the story goes on. It is not easy to take a detour from this course and it takes a lot of courage to do so. This post is about a dear friend - Anand, who has the courage to be true to himself. He has been my window into the queer world. Anand's life experiences have been challenging, but he has emerged stronger, taller and wiser from it. He has helped and continues to help so many people from the LGBTQ community.
It takes courage to be true, it takes courage to be you. Proud of you Anand!
Growing up, my introduction to the LGBT community was when I saw transgenders at traffic signals and on trains. There was a sense of anxiety as they came close. As I grew up, my awareness increased and the anxiety turned into a desire to know more and to do my bit for the transgender community.
Thanks to my workplace, my exposure to the LGBTQ+ expanded through various programs. I learnt about LQBTQ+ community and the importance of being an ally. It was at a session at work where I met Anand. My daughter, Disha was 2 years old then. I attended the session to learn about the LGBTQ+ community. As a parent, I thought this was more important than ever before to increase my awareness of the LGBT community, to be able to support my child should she ever need help. Anand comes from a well read South Indian family. After his elder sister got married, the “line was cleared” for him to take the plunge. That was the time when he decided to come out to his closest quarters, his parents. He is blessed to have supportive parents. Over the years, he has come out to his extended family, friends and colleagues. While Anand is lucky to have parents who have accepted him, it hasn’t been an easy ride.
The first thing that most members of the LGBTQ+ members lose when they come out is the support of their family.
If coming out to oneself and understanding one’s body is difficult, coming out to parents and family can be an even tougher concoction of emotions - relief, pain, happiness, sadness and more. Anand’s story of coming to his parents is heartwarming. Anand’s sister was getting married and his mom was very excited about shopping for her daughter’s wedding. As she bought jewellery for her daughter, she also brought jewellery for her daughter-in-law to be. As Anand saw all this unfold, he was cringing within feeling terrible about not opening up to his parents about a big part of himself. This was followed by a series of events including a wedding proposal and the untimely demise of a friend’s mom. His friend lost his mom and it plunged him into deep sorrow that he could not come out to his mom during her lifetime and this would be something that he would have to live with forever. All this and more made Anand muster the courage to come out to his parents. Even though he is blessed with open-minded parents, coming out from the closet was a rollercoaster ride and it took several months before it sunk in. If it is so tough for someone with family support, can only imagine the plight of others who have been shunned, ridiculed or not accepted by their families. Did you know this startling fact? 98% of transgenders are abandoned by their families.
Anand was not sure how his parents would react but was relieved and deeply moved when he came out to his parents. As we take baby steps towards acceptance, understanding and liberating the LGBTQ+ community, it is important to know and understand the harsh expectations and societal pressures one deals with coming out to their family. Once this bridge is crossed, the same needs to be repeated every single time to come out to friends, family and colleagues.
While coming out to his parents, Anand’s dad said something that touched him deeply. His dad said that he wanted him to experience the beauty of love and falling in love, the blissful experience of parenting and the companionship of a partner in the twilight years of life. He was not sure how his son would get to experience these precious joys of life. These are realistic concerns that any parent may have. In the world we live in today, it not easy for a parent to accept that their child is an LGBT person.
In 2018, the Supreme Court of India delivered a verdict decriminalising homosexuality. This was a historical judgement and the LGBTQ+ community across the country erupted in joy. Finally, falling in love was not a punishable offence! The rainbow coloured world is vibrant. There is immense courage, brotherhood, support and love. The world now needs to be able to accept the colours and revel in its vibrance.
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